meatwhistle

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought
for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep
with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We
could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to
a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE
Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat! Are you nuts?!?!?! "

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially,
you and I are sitting on Three Million Dollars.............. but Realistically........ we're living with two ***** and a queer

hofulstrof

lmao

BigBubba

****in Fabdaboulous!!!! I pee'd myself laughing so hard.......

carboom

Now thats funny

meatwhistle

Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly.
One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him,
"Do you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears," came the reply. Tony did not
appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question:
"Do you notice anything different about me?" "Well," she sad stammering, "You have no ears." Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. Mr. Patel. He was a young Indian man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart,
he was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Tony was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young
man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses,
don't you?" Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you know that?" he asked.
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f**king ears!!"

flipconvict

BAHAHAHAHA those are both hilarious!

01SIlverSc2

iTrader: (3)

And yet another. = ]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little on your knee."

meatwhistle

thats a good one

meatwhistle

THE PHONE CALL!
>
>
>
>((((RING)))) ((((RING))))
>
>**Pick Up**
>
>"Hello?"
>
>"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
>
>"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul "
>
>After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
>Paul."
>
>"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
>
>Brief Pause
>
>"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
>table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that
>Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"
>
>"Okay Daddy, just a minute"
>
>A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
>
>"I did it Daddy"
>
>"And what happened honey?" he asked
>
>"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
>around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
>dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
>
>"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
>
>"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he
>jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
>
>But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean
>it.
>
>He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
>
>***Long Pause***
>
>***Longer Pause**
>
>Then Daddy says:
>
>"Swimming pool?? ... Is this 486-5731?"
>
>
>
>
>