ltlepinkescort

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F** YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer f*** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

ltlepinkescort

.Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

Haunz

iTrader: (3)

Ive gone from house sex to hall sex in the same night... WTF is up with that ?!?!

Haunz

iTrader: (3)

This one made me laugh


A newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month. " The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem? " the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain Through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried Cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

"One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with Her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," Stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head..."We're not welcome at the Home Depot anymore either."

bigunner1

how about never have sex with a pig,,,,,they'll squeal on you!! hehe. oh and haunz,,,,that is awesome lol.

bigunner1

So,,this guy comes home from the bar one night with a lady friend. They walk in the front door of his place and when he flicks on the light, his parrot sees them and belts out "someones gonna get laid,,someones gonna get laid!" The man looks at his date with embarassment and tries to explain but she is not in the mood(for anything now) and goes home. Later that week the man comes home again with another "date" and when they walk in the parrot again speaks up "someones gona get laid,,someones gonna get laid!!" Once again the lady is suddenly "not in the mood". After this happens one more time the man finally has enough. Thinking his parrot must be lonely,,he heads down to the pet shop to get him a companion. When he gets there, the clerk tells him the only female bird we have here at the monent is an owl. "An owl,,I can't put an owl with my parrot" the man says. The clerk tells him to just give it a shot. You won't know until you try. Whats the worst that could happen. So the man takes the owl home and puts him in the cage with the parrot. He decides to leave them alone for a while and goes out. Sure enough he brings yet another lady home....he slowly opens the door and turns on the light hoping to see the owl and parrot "together",,,but the minute the light comes on the parrot again speaks up "someones gonna get laid,,someones gonna get laid!!" and the owl lets out a "hooo,,,hooo",,,and parrot turns and tells him "NOT YOU,,YOU FLATFACED F*CKER!!!"

sorry about the length

loudlemans

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's and shyly walked
>up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
>"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
>"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
>"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
>shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four
>types of bras to choose from."
>Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
>"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the
>Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
>The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
>
The Catholic type supports the masses.
>The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps
>them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole
>hills.

loudlemans

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the
>letters used to define bra sizes?
>If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters
>stood for, it is about time you became informed!


(A} Almost *****...
>{B} Barely there.
>{C} Can't Complain!
>{D} Dang!
>{DD} Double dang!
>{E} Enormous!
>{F} Fake.
>{G} Get a Reduction.
>{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !



the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!

ltlepinkescort

Seeing how were into the girls here..I have a good one..Heres the difference between a Good Girl and A bad Girl...Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good Girls know how to throw a party...
Bad Girls are the party...!!

meatwhistle

what has 3 ***** and comes other space?
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
E.T. the extra ********!